repentance.

I have been wanting to write about this for a little while... honestly, my life has become imbalanced in a lot of ways. Some of that I think is just part of life... being busy is a good thing, these opportunities are good things. But in my life lately this has become much more an issue of my heart going after these things, elevating good things to the level of THE thing. I guess I am saying that I have been neglecting the One who gave me life, who sustains me and made me. I haven't been meeting with him, I haven't been pressing in and clinging to him consistently through prayer and reading his book, the Bible. I have been so busy that I've not been spending time with other believers. I miss the closeness with Jesus. 


Yet his gentle hands are shaping my life, drawing my heart to him, pursuing me despite my idolatry. I must meet with God. I guess the struggle is fighting to carve that time out of every day, protecting that time, not because I can then know that I did good, but because I need to meet with God. I need his renewal everyday. I need him to re-orient my heart away from the fleeting things I set my hope on and instead quiet my heart with his love, the only thing that never changes and will never be taken away. Knowing God is the most precious thing in my life, and no matter how good something else may be, it cannot take the place of this relationship. 


When we lived in Portland, we were in Bible college at Multnomah University. Even though we were busy then too, we were surrounded by other believers, studying the Bible every day under wonderful teachers, in a uniquely close-knit group of families who were (and still are) our best friends, in a very supportive church. I remember being so scared to leave this nurturing environment. I was scared that I was almost leaving God's presence. I've found that God is as much with me here as he was there, and I have grown SO MUCH in knowing him here...

 "Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." (Psalm 139). 

The void that I feel from the distance between us and our family of friends has been something that pushes me into the arms of God. It makes me so thankful for God's family of messed up people that he is forming into his beautiful bride. It makes me eager to share life with those at our new church. It reminds me of the importance of forgiveness in relationships. The absence of our inspiring teachers has caused me to cherish the Bible and wonder even more that God gave this book to us -- the ultimate work of art. It has made we want to study this book every day of my life and truly be renewed in the spirit of my mind... to see things as God sees them, to call good what he calls good, to build my life in this story... to meet Jesus, because he can be met in this book.


My favorite book of the Bible used to be the Psalms. They will always have a special place in my heart... they are so rich in revealing the character of God. But lately I have been reading the book of Hebrews, and I love it for so many reasons. Trevor and I studied this book with John MacMurray our last semester at Multnomah, in a class that covered Hebrews through Revelation. I was hugely pregnant, especially toward the end (Piper was born two weeks to the day after we graduated). The author is writing to people who have been redeemed and have even suffered for the sake of the gospel, but who are in danger of slipping back into the ways of thinking that they followed before hearing the gospel (possibly legalism). I say that because the author's main point in this book is the supremacy of the new covenant over and against the previous covenant (7:18-19 and throughout) -- and he proves that by emphasizing the supremacy of Jesus, the One who mediated once for all time a better, perfect covenant by his blood. He exhorts his audience not to neglect this great salvation, but to cling to it everyday (as long as it is called today), to study it (5:11-14), to build their life around it, to have their heart shaped by this grace. He makes the connection that sin is unbelief (3:7-19). He likens his audience to the Israelites in the wilderness, who, though they *just* walked through the parted waters of the Red Sea and received manna from heaven, grumbled against God (Exodus 17). They said things like, "Why did you bring us out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and livestock with thirst?" (Exodus 17:3). They even questioned the very presence of God-- "Is the Lord among us or not?" (Ex 17:7). I think the author is making this connection so deliberately because just as the Israelites doubted God's presence and blessing, his audience was in danger of being hardened by the deceitfulness of  unbelief. Faith believes that what God has given us in this new covenant is better than the passing pleasures of sin. It is better than trying to earn our own pardon, offering sacrifices again and again for sin. It is better than trying to define ourselves by putting our hope in our own strength. Thus he calls the reader/listener to cling to this salvation, everyday. This resonates so deeply in my heart today. I am reminded of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. He is the true Pleasure that my heart desires. His salvation is the greatest gift, the only one worth building my life on.


I included some shots of the butterfly tree outside of our front door. Piper and I keep an eye out during the day, and when we see them there, we quietly step out onto the steps and watch them. She loves butterflies. I also wanted to share some shots of her little face. She is so precious.


My next post will be about our first church meeting :)