first words

Piper has learned her first two words: Daddy and bubbles.

This is a big moment in the life of this precious little girl.

She is a gift from God to our family,

and we are so thankful for her.

She is living proof of the healing that God has

brought into our lives in place of the brokenness and

pain that used to be. We are a family today because

of who God is, his mercy and kindness toward us,

the redemption that he purchased

for us with his own life.

Piper truly has a heritage of

grace.

confession

O Cross that liftest up my head

I dare not ask to fly from thee

I lay in dust life's glory dead

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be

Recently I have been joining two friends in reading through Luke's account of the gospel. This time in the morning for me has been a confrontational and intensely personal time with the Savior. I have been deeply confronted, as Luke wants the reader to be, with the truth of who Jesus is and what he is calling me to. I am amazed at Luke's skillful, provocative writing. He writes of the Messiah, the fulfillment of all the beautiful promises. God himself, who became man and tabernacled among us, came not to (shockingly!) dominate the world through political power or physical force. Instead he wants to talk with sinners about the sin in their heart and call them to turn to him. He came to redeem sinners. He came to initiate the Kingdom of God. Jesus took the feeble constructs that broken human minds call great and turned them on their head, exposing their futility. As Luke is writing, weaving together his account of these encounters to illustrate his theme, he calls the reader into the story... and as he puts his arm around you, sharing these personal encounters between Jesus and others (in which the thoughts of people's hearts are exposed) he is silently asking you about your own heart.

One theme that is prominent in Luke's gospel is the contrast between sinners (broken people) and the 'righteous' (those who are seeking to justify themselves). He writes about this over and over again, but one encounter is so poignant that I can't stop thinking about it and it has been piercing my heart since I read it: the encounter with the sinful woman (Luke 7:36-49). Jesus is eating at a Pharisee's house. While he is there, a 'woman of the city (who was a sinner)' comes in, weeping, and sits at Jesus' feet, anointing them with expensive perfume mingled with her tears and wiping them with her hair. The Pharisee, up in arms, think to himself that is Jesus were indeed a prophet, he would know what kind of woman this was touching his feet and weeping over him. Jesus perceives his thoughts. Addressing the Pharisee, he tells a story about a moneylender who forgave two debts, one large, one small. He asks which of the debtors would love the moneylender more. The Pharisee rightly answers that the debtor whose debt was larger would love more. Jesus turns to the broken woman, and said to the Pharisee,

"Do you see this woman? I entered your house;

you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet

my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

You gave me no kiss, but from the time

I came in she has not ceased to

kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil,

but she has anointed my feet with ointment.

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many,

are forgiven--for she loved much.

But he who is forgiven little, loves little."

7:44-47

The reason that this passage has so pierced my heart is that I of all people ought to be that broken woman, sitting at Jesus' feet, overwhelmed by all that he has done for me, all he has forgiven me, all he has given me. Yet I am that Pharisee, looking to my 'merits' to justify myself. I really do look at the gifts God has given me and the opportunities he has provided for me and set my hope on these as something with which I might earn favor. This goes deeper and infects my thinking in ways so profound that I often do not even recognize. Quite honestly, what I just said is putting it simply. I realize this is very personal; it is meant to be. That's why I titled this 'confession'.

The truth is that I need look no further than the cross to see what became of my 'merits' or my 'respectability'. There, as Jesus was maimed and forsaken by the Father, was on display what my best efforts earned me on my best day.

This is where I need to understand the gospel so much more, on a more inherent level. I need to cease from my works and truly 'lay in dust life's glory dead.' It is so against my sinful human nature to do this! As Time Keller says, the default mode of the human heart is works, not grace. We are all trying to earn the favor of God and man with independent efforts rather than in humility accepting the grace of reconciliation that he purchased for us. It is so hard to lay all of our power plays and subtle, twisted performances in the dust and walk away. Elyse Fitzpatrick, in her book "Because He Loves Me" writes of this struggle,

"In my own life I have to pray...numbers of times

before I can silence the dreadful harping of my proud heart.

I have to remind myself over and over again that

his righteousness is now mine and that the way my heart

harasses me is more a function of my pride

and self-sufficiency than a sincere desire for godliness.

If godliness before him was what I was truly after,

then one look at the cross and empty tomb would suffice.

But I can see that I'm frequently more concerned about whether

I approve of myself than the fact that he approves of me.

I sinfully long to look at my life and feel good

about my personal accomplishments-- see what

a good mother I am!-- and it's that desire

that spawns crushing guilt. The only way to

silence my heart and find solace is to continually

remind myself of my new identity and be satisfied with

that alone. If I try to be satisfied with my own

accomplishments or identity, I'll never know the

comfort he promised, 'Come to me, all

labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' "

The truth is that I am often more interested in wearing the mask than in living in reality. I am so thankful for Luke's gospel and the way the Lord has shown me my need for him through it. I am not really sure what to say in conclusion except that the gift of right relationship to God is more precious than anything I could earn. This gift is changing me. I am being changed as I encounter the Lord in his book, walk with him, and lift my eyes to look at him and look away from my broken nature.