my first role of portra 160, and the fallout

I took my little Minolta to the farmer's market (it was super overcast) and dinner with my parents at Big City Bread. This was my first role of portra. Most of the frames I shot at Kyle and Bonne's engagement session. I'll share those later. This film is incredible, though you may not be able to see it from my images. Lots of people recommend that you overexpose it by two stops or so, and I was cautious and only went one over. Next time I will go for two for sure. Properly overexposed, this film gives that gauzy yet sharp, light-flooded look with soft, warm, muted colors. Leo Patrone and Jonathan Canlas shoot Portra, although they are shooting in the far superior medium format. If you have been reading my blog for a bit, you may have heard me use this term... you can read about it here if you're not already familiar with it. Some other photographers who shoot medium format film are Jose Villa, Jill Thomas (whose website I am totally in love with, done by the amazing Finch Design), and One Love Photo. These are my photographic heroes. I love the look of their images. I hope to one day have a medium format set up of my own. We'll see. 

Hey, do you guys read Lauren Nicole Love and Make it MAD? They're on a road trip and will be passing through Athens. They're planning to stop and visit with us a bit. I'll be sure to let you know if that works out. I am completely challenged by what they write, and I hope to be able to meet them in person so that I can hear more of what they have to say.

I know that I always say I am going to write about something in my next post and almost never do... I've done it with the bangs tutorial, the theology post, etc. I think that is okay though. I write about the things that are on my mind when I have the time to sit at my computer. So I hope that makes sense. I don't want to be totally out of touch with my readers, but the same time I have to do what interests me with my blog. Otherwise it isn't authentic. I love all you readers, and even though I don't have time to respond to every one of your comments, please know that I read them and feel totally loved! The blogging community is so amazing, creative, and supportive, and I am so glad to be part of it. (Also, hello to my new subscribers; thank you for reading!) I have had a couple of offers be sponsored, advertise, or 'exchange links' and stuff like that, and I have decided against doing those things because I need my blog to have no strings attached. If I accepted those offers, I would feel some pressure (whether truly there or not) to write more, write about certain topics, target a specific audience, or maybe even change the blog all together. So it remains what it has been from the beginning... just a glorified diary, a place to write about my life and my family, a place to write about my walk with God, a place to post pictures of my pretty little girl and document her growth, and a place to share my sewing and photography work.


And that brings me to my miscarriage. I am so glad that I have this place to write, however briefly, about what happened because hard things are hard to share sometimes. I did not want to call people up after my miscarriage to tell them about it. I was having a hard time putting into words what I was feeling, and I still am... alot of people ask how we are doing, and neither Trevor or I know what to say. There isn't a nice, unified, convincing spiel that I can give about why this happened or how I/we are better because of it. But there are evidences of redemption.... they are scattered, and I am starting to piece them together. I am still struggling with the pain of losing a baby. In some ways it is just now sinking in that there would have been a baby with a face and a name, a baby growing with little kicks and a birth story. Truthfully, it is really hard to think all the way through a life that won't be lived. I am really clinging to the fact that it was early; I am thankful I didn't have to go through the much harder process (like my friend Elisha and so many other women have) of saying goodbye to an 18-weeks (or further)-along baby. You guys don't know Elisha, but she has two other little ones and she is pregnant with a healthy baby. She has come full circle in some ways and it is really good for me to see. I am so glad for her healthy pregnancy. It gives me alot of hope. So there are some things that have been bringing me so much comfort... Piper's sweet hugs and kisses, the way she tells me she loves me, seeing her beautiful face and watching her joy in being alive. My husband and his presence in my life; he really is such a priceless gift. I am becoming more and more thankful for the gift of his life. The Psalms. Being outside in God's creation which, as John MacMurray says, God uses to call me to come and know Him. Sun on my skin at the lake. Seeing Piper and her friend Wren dancing their hearts out to bluegrass music, just having so much fun being together. Seeing Piper with all her friends; she loves them so much, and so freely without pretense. There are no angles in her relationships with people. She just loves being around them. I wish I could preserve that in her forever. Food. Dinners with our friends. My camera(s). My sewing machine, bright, pretty fabrics, and my sewing area which is so perfect. The faithful, listening ear of an old friend. Summer clothes and warm weather. God's presence and grace over my life (most of all). Clinging hard to Him and realizing, again, that He is all I have and He is so much more than enough... that I am rich in Him. This song, when I didn't know what else to say. The gospel. The words of my pastor reminding me that we are caught in this life between death and resurrection, and sometimes we feel the death more than the resurrection... these things help me make a little sense of this hard time. I will say that through this, I felt so strongly the weight of brokenness, and in some ways, hearing the gospel again has been sweet to my heart like the first time I understood it. There is freedom from sadness and death, and I am so thankful for living an Easter life in the midst of Good Friday.


Talk again soon.
xo