hoping

I would say that we have fallen on hard times lately, but I don't really know what to say. That isn't quite right. Alot of difficult things have been happening and I don't know how to make sense of all of it. With everything that has been going on with my mom, we have also come down with strep throat. We finally found a couple to rent our townhome, and we can't rent the farm we wanted to rent because someone placed on offer on it (but honestly I really hope that it works out for the owners). I sound like I am whining. I kind of am. I have been wrestling over these past few days, feeling sorry for myself, bitter at God (I am so ashamed to admit this but it is true). This idea that I am owed _____ (fill in the blank) is ugly. There is alot that has been so hard: our miscarriage, trying to come to terms with my mom's health problems and their possible implications, hopes deferred for moving, a season where it felt like all my husband and I did was fight, imbalance in my life; despite all of this, God is at work in my heart. My selfish responses to hardship, my bitter heart, my assumptions about what being a Christian should involve in terms of benefits to me (which is so wrong, it is the very opposite of our faith but we forget that so quickly), shallow assumptions about what a Christian's life should look like, these things are being shown for what they are and brought into light. The Light overcomes the darkness. The Light heals. Thank God for his loving honesty and work of renewal in my life. 

My mom is having a more accurate biopsy performed this morning. We are anxious to hear the results, but at this point, I am hopeful. I know God loves my mom, and his care for her has been so obvious. We're traveling to Columbia this weekend to see her, and to meet my sister and her family. I am so excited to see Anne. And Gene and the kids. Then it is back in the saddle for me :) I have taken a couple of days off and am ready to get working again. Having Tyler work with me has brought a fresh perspective and so much creative excitement. These young people, they're so in touch with the latest fashions. I always feel like my vision is so small after meeting with her; I am so interested in the details and the mechanics of how things are done, and she is so good at seeing the big picture, she's a dreamer (I say that only half-way tongue in cheek, because really, she is). She is the prefect partner for me.

Also, can I just mention that I have found the coolest stuff at the thrift store lately? I always leave feeling like God loves me. I find the best stuff for a tiny little price. See the image above. I am most excited about the fabric on the left (I already made myself a bag out of it). Also, I love the towny plaid shirt for Trevor on the right. The white sheet with flowers is actually a vintage bedcover. It is so soft and is in lovely condition.

I have been bad about blogging. I promised myself before I started that I would not apologize about infrequent posting; I would just blog when I could and be happy about it. I didn't want it to turn into a guilt thing. So that is my approach I guess. I do miss blogging more often, though. I have fallen out of touch with so many of my blog friends and I miss them (you). I hope to be back more often this summer.

love you all

xoxo